Wet Kisses
by 4evrdisturbed
Summary: Jean no longer wants to live after Marco's death. So why can't he just die?


I couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't live without the only person who believed in me, who loved me. Marco was gone and with him, my reason to live. I realize that I'm being selfish, that this was the cowards way out. And it is. I'm taking the easy way out letting the others finish this war against the titans. I know everyone has lost someone during this war, but Marco was the only person I had left. Marco was my everything. My love, my soul, my best friend. My life. And now that he's gone I have nothing left to live for.

With my mind made up I left the mess hall. Everyone had just sat down to eat, so I knew no one would follow. Not that anyone would. I wanted to have time to make sure I was dead before anyone walked in and saw me. I pushed my untouched food aside, letting anyone who wanted it have it. The walk to the barracks was short, I walked briskly, I wanted to be done with this already. When I shut the heavy wooden door behind me it sounded loud in the silence of the usually loud room. Even at night it was filled with the sounds of several people's breathing and murmurs, rustling of sheets as someone moved in their sleep, and the occasional scream when someone had a nightmare.

Feeling numb I walked to the bunk I used to share with Marco. I remembered all the hushed conversations we've had, the quiet kisses we'd shared. The first time Marco and I made love. I let the memories of that night wash over me as I unhooked and unbuckled all my gear and set them on the floor. Grabbing one of the longer straps I tied one end to the edge of the top bunk. I pulled hard on it and checked it three more times making sure it wouldn't come undone. I tied the other end around my neck. With thoughts of Marco flitting through my head I put one foot one the bottom bunk. The top of my foot was flat against the top of the bed. With a sigh and a silent promise to find Marco in the afterlife I put my other foot on the bottom bunk. I was kneeling and could feel how the strap tightened around my neck, cutting off my breathing. This was it. I would finally be free. While picturing a picture of my Marco, I passed out.

Murmured voices was what I heard through the fogginess of my head. I was floating in darkness, blessed darkness. The voices continued to get louder. Closer. I opened my eyes groggily. The wooden floor of the barracks was what greeted me. The voices were those of my comrades coming in from their meal which means it hadn't been very long since I tried to hang myself. I slowly sat up, my body incredibly weak. My throat was burning and the strap was still around my neck, but it was no longer tied to the edge of the top bunk. How? How could that be? I tied that knot perfectly. There was no chance it could've come undone. Not unless someone untied it. But no one was in here with me, no one was here to untie it. Unless..

"Marco?" I croaked my voice was raw. I waited a moment, feeling silly talking to my dead lover. Just as I was about to deem myself insane, I felt something. It was a cold wetness on my cheek. Each time Marco went to kiss me he would lick his lips and then press them to my skin. They were always slightly wet and cold, just like the wetness on my cheek. Maybe I was insane. Maybe Marco found a way to find me and this was a sign. A sign that Marco didn't want me to die. Marco wanted me to live, to go on. I threw the strap off my neck and tossed it into the pile with the rest of my gear. I scooted back until my back hit a wall and hugged my knees. With my head resting on my legs I cried. I sobbed. "Marco." I whispered his name like a mantra, rocking back and forth and crying into my knees. When the other recruits walked in they did their best to leave me alone. This wasn't the first time I've broken down since Marco died. Marco. I wiped my face in an attempt to stop my tears and brought my head up. Determination took over my sadness. Marco would have wanted me to live. He would want me to go on. So that's what I'll do. For Marco I will fight. For Marco I will live


End file.
